USUK - In His Memory
by Rae'vyn Phiar
Summary: This is a response to a tragedy that occurred tonight. Someone I love and care about committed suicide tonight. They always loved to roleplay as Arthur Kirkland, and I was always Alfred, so I thought to write this to express the extent of my personal feelings toward this. Thank you for understanding for the much darker tone of this story. Rated M for SUICIDE AND BLOOD AND EMOTIONS.


_There was and is and forever will be someone in my life who spurred this story on._

 _On June 19_ _th_ _, 2016, this person took their life in a form of suicide that I am not sure of. He always roleplayed as Arthur Kirkland, so this is my Alfred's response to this tradegy. This person was only 15 years old, an entire life ahead of them. I want us to never truly forget those who have passed on, but let them burn bright in our own hearts and minds, in tune with our souls and bodies._

 _I want us to let their memory take us as a vessel, to allow us to remember them as we knew them and not as the obituaries all tell us we should. This person was truly a light on this world, a rare talent that is only seen only once in a generation. To those who knew him best, I share in your grief and am ready and willing to help you through this, if only you will help me as well._

 _I do not own Hetalia, only my own thoughts and memories. Thank you to whoever will read this and understand the extent of my feelings and thoughts toward this amazing spark of life that was snuffed out tonight. Thank you so very much for existing, my dear one._

 **USUK – In His Memory…**

Alfred felt like he was suspended in some sort of thick, heavy substance, not feeling, not thinking, not trying to explain what he even wanted to feel in that moment. A note lay on the bed, hastily scrawled on a scrap of paper, written in what looked like blood the second time he read it. Then the third… Over and over and over… He just couldn't believe that this could…

And then he turned the corner into the bathroom. And then he screamed until his voice gave out. Nothing he'd ever felt compared to the painful slam in the chest that this sight struck him with. He didn't even try to move to help the blonde, suspended in that crimson-filled bathtub, eyes closed in a fake look of tranquility. The showerhead had been turned on, water overflowing the lip of the tub and onto the tile floor, lapping at the corners of the room.

His knees fell out from under him, but he barely felt the pain. Everything that hurt was just inside of the blue-eyed man, his eyes no longer sparkling with life like the others had always been. He bit his lip. Thinking about Arthur in the past tense…

Death…. Death permeated his mind, the fleeting thoughts of the times they'd been together, in the warmth and the light in the mornings, sleepy promises of love and laughter and always being able to support the other, no matter what…

A grim sort of smile rose to his lips, smiling past the uncontrollable tears, the salt water dripping into the hands he clasped to his face, onto the gold band on the ring finger of his left hand… He remembered those vows he'd made, that Arthur had made… ' _Through sickness and health… As long as we both shall live…'_

"What am I going to do…?" he whispered, his voice raw and feeling like it came from someone else. His voice had always been tinged with laughter, happiness… and now that one thing that made him forever happy was lost forever… "Tell me, dammit…"

Insanity crossed his mind as he staggered to his feet, stumbling in numb unbelief over to the tub, turning off the water so that it no longer pattered against that cool body… He forced himself to look at the other's arms, slashed expertly with a knife that rested on the closed toilet seat, almost surgeon-like in their precision. Alfred forced himself to look at the blonde's face, the calm, content look that he was projecting making him sick.

Why? Why the hell would he do this? He gave into the emotion again, reaching over with trembling fingers to brush a few stray strands of blood-soaked hair off the other's forehead. "Why?" His voice broke in that sentence, feeling lingering warmth touch his fingertips but never get warmer. He smiled lightly. Arthur would always blush whenever he'd brush his hair back… "Arthur…" He let the tears fall once more, pulling the body out of the tub and holding him close, the crimson water from the other's clothes soaking his own. "Why…?" His hand found its way subconsciously to the back of Arthur's head, holding him to his shoulder and never wanting to let go of the last warmth that he gave off before…

He cringed as he felt the other no longer feel right, going stiffer and stiffer by the moment. Rigor mortis… He knew he needed to put him down, let him… But it only made the sapphire-eyed man hold on tighter. He knew he needed to call someone, anyone, but…

His eyes lit on the ring the other wore, taking his stiffening hand in his own and running his thumb across the gold band, exactly like his own. Everything they'd promised was gone now… Everything they'd fought for, fought about… Everything they'd shared…

"Nothing's going to be…" he started, but couldn't continue, moving on to his second thought. "Arthur… I love you… You need to come back, somehow…" He needed him here, right now. He needed that body to breathe and open his eyes and hold him back.

It seemed like several eternities before he got the nerve to let go of the cold corpse. He pressed his lips silently to his forehead once more and cradled him in his arms one last time before letting the morgue take him out of his reach…

"I will always love you, Arthur Kirkland…"


End file.
